I’ve been a massage therapist for many years, now. I know what people look like. People have been undressing for me for a long time. I know what you look like: a glance at you, and I can picture pretty well what you’d look like on my table.
Let’s start here with what nobody looks like: nobody looks like the people in magazines or movies. Not even models. Nobody. Lean people have a kind of rawboned, unfinished look about them that is very appealing. But they don’t have plump round breasts and plump round asses. You have plump round breasts and a plump round ass, you have a plump round belly and plump round thighs as well. That’s how it works. And that’s very appealing too.
Woman have cellulite. All of them. It’s dimply and cute. It’s not a defect. It’s not a health problem. It’s the natural consequence of not consisting of photoshopped pixels, and not having emerged from an airbrush.
Men have silly buttocks. Well, if most of your clients are women, anyway. You come to male buttocks and you say — what, this is it? They’re kind of scrawny and the tissue is jumpy because it’s unpadded; you have to dial back the pressure, or they’ll yelp.
Adults sag. It doesn’t matter how fit they are. Every decade, an adult sags a little more. All of the tissue hangs a little looser. They wrinkle, too. I don’t know who put about the rumor that just old people wrinkle. You start wrinkling when you start sagging, as soon as you’re all grown up, and the process goes its merry way as long as you live. Which is hopefully a long, long time, right?
Everybody on a massage table is beautiful. There are really no exceptions to this rule. At that first long sigh, at that first thought that “I can stop hanging on now, I’m safe” – a luminosity, a glow, begins. Within a few minutes the whole body is radiant with it. It suffuses the room: it suffuses the massage therapist too. People talk about massage therapists being caretakers, and I suppose we are: we like to look after people, and we’re easily moved to tenderness. But to let you in on a secret: I’m in it for the glow.
I’ll tell you what people look like, really: they look like flames. Or like the stars, on a clear night in the wilderness.
Think about who you are beneath the skin.
In the most fundamental space you occupy, who are you? Write it down.
We all need to be reminded that who we are is a fluid constancy, divorced from the form we are in.
I was mucking around with Audacity, listening to songs in reverse. For the fun of it, I put on everyone’s favorite song, Blurred Lines. And shockingly, I heard something I had never expected to hear. Robin Thicke was fooling us this whole time. He wasn’t trying to be misogynistic, he wanted us to listen closer to the song and understand that he in fact does believe his lady partner needs to be treated with the utmost respect.
You might find it VERY hard to believe, but I implore you to listen very closely (with headphones if you can, because it can be hard to hear). The message I’m talking about comes in around the 30 second mark.
After the 30sec mark I just kind of stared at my wall for the rest of the song trying to accept what I just heard.
what’s really sad is, we probably will never know: why quinn drew hearts around a caricature drawing of rachel; why rachel looks like someone just shot one of her dads when shes walking down the hallway and sees sam and quinn kiss; why rachel says she could understand finn cheating with quinn but not santana; im sure theres more but my heart and head hurts because i know we’ll never know
Or why Quinn understood Finn cheating on her with anyone BUT Rachel; why Quinn would put her own feelings on the line to “test” Finn to see if he was still into Rachel, for Rachel’s benefit; why the only consistency in Quinn’s life is the fact that she lets Rachel and only Rachel see her when she’s vulnerable; why Quinn would secure a yearbook page that only Rachel wanted and why Rachel would know exactly the right corsage Quinn would love on prom night.
If it were ANY other show, this would be a collection of beautiful foreshadowing.
Or why Rachel didn’t mind when Quinn slapped her, and instead proceeded to tell her she was the prettiest girl she ever met. Or why Rachel asked Finn what it was like to kiss Quinn. Or Rachel’s constantly making references to how pretty Quinn is. Or why Quinn has been the only person besides Kurt on the show who has supported Rachel and was even allowing herself to settle for Finn while pushing Rachel towards her dreams and telling her that she didn’t belong in Lima Ohio.
Or why the two times Finn stormed out, Rachel went after Quinn instead. Or why Quinn drew pornographic pictures of Rachel in the bathroom. Or why Quinn lights up whenever Rachel is singing, or looks so sad when she’s singing a song to Finn. Or why Quinn had to stare at the ceiling when Rachel was wearing her Britney outfit. Or why Quinn doesn’t blame Rachel for just giving away her biggest secret. Or why Rachel doesn’t hate Quinn after she’s bullied her so much.
I’ll just be over here sobbing.
Or why Quinn would give up the one thing she had always wanted -to be prom queen- in order to make Rachel win the title just so she would regain the confidence she had lost choking on her audition. Or why Rachel couldn’t stop thinking about Quinn after the accident. Or why Quinn ended up deciding to support Rachel even though she was against the wedding. Or why Rachel’s greatest accomplishment in her high school history would be to have become Quinn’s friends. Or why Quinn bought train tickets for Rachel in order to make sure that they didn’t lose touch. Or why Rachel made sure to talk Quinn out of making the biggest mistake of her life by telling everyone that Shelby had slept with Puck. Or why the first person that Quinn told her news of getting into Yale was Rachel. Or why Rachel saw right through Quinn’s facade and instead of pressuring her, told Quinn to go back to Glee only when she was ready. Or why Quinn couldn’t take her eyes off Rachel while she was singing Never Can Say Goodbye. Or why Rachel got mad at the Glee club because they were all ignoring the fact that Quinn was on a wheelchair. Or why Quinn was sure to reassure her that the accident wasn’t her fault. Or why Rachel had broke down crying after hearing Quinn say that.
Or why my heart aches and my stomach hurts and my everything just sobs whenever I think of Faberry and what could have been but never will.
Or most importantly and unfortunately if Rachel was singing “Here’s To Us” to Finn and only Finn, and why it was so important for Quinn to know the answer.
God. They have such an epic love.
Or why I thought all of this was fanfiction but it’s actually not and it hurts because Faberry was almost there but not really.